2012

A new year is starting and I am planning to get back into the swing of things with this blog. We are starting a Biggest Loser contest at work, and while I'm not sure that I can win I am hoping to form lasting habits because of it.

I've been doing more cooking lately, and I'm pretty proud of myself for doing so. I learned how to do chicken and dumplings yesterday! I'm a bit wary of doing it on my own, but you gotta start somewhere!!

Here's to reaching a good place in 2012.

Not So Shabby

Being back on the wagon is going pretty well so far. I'm feeling pretty proud of myself for keeping on track. Especially considering my belly is telling me

EAT ALL THE THINGS!!! 

And I have resisted that urge. Very well, I think. A wee bit of exercise has also happened. I haven't had another long walk with Mom, but that shall for sure happen again. It felt good to walk that much. 

I figure the massive urges to consume an entire Taco Bell franchise will ebb, and things will go smoothly from there on out. Waiting patiently for that day.... 

Back on the Wagon!!

So, after being off the wagon for a very, very long time, I'm back on the health train. Which is for the best, considering the diagnosis I received at the doctor today. Hypertension. That's right, I'm on blood pressure meds at 25.

I think this is the real kick in the butt that I need to actually get myself motivated and doing the right things. Which will be to cut out eating out, first and foremost. After that, it's all about portion control and making healthier choices. Which I can do. I know I can.

I'm also going to have to do some exercising. Which I started on tonight! I had a lovely walk with Mom across the bridge and into downtown. Just the bridge itself is a mile, so I did a little over 2 miles. It felt good. Getting up off my lazy ass is going to be good for me.

All of this, paired with the new Activity Director job....I think things are going to be alright. Despite the shitty diagnosis!

It's Been Too Long!!

Hello blogworld! I realize it's been ages since I've posted, but life has gotten crazy. Almost three weeks ago, my grandmother had a seizure and had to be taken to the hospital. While she was getting a CT scan, she had another seizure and they had to put her on a vent. We thought she wasn't going to make it, but she's still holding on. However, she's on Hospice and she's not doing very well. It's simply a matter of time.

And last week, I took my annual pilgrimage to Terre Haute for Hoosier Girl's State. HGS barely leaves time for sleep, so blogging was out of the question! :-D

Needless to say, my food project has been all out of whack. While grandma was in the hospital, we were just eating whatever we could any time it was convenient. There was lots of fast food. The HGS food isn't horrible, but it's not the greatest. Lots and lots of carbs!!! 

It's also not a good time to continue with my lessons, since Mom is spending nearly all of her time with Grandma. I'm going to try to do better now that I'm back home, but it's hard to say when things will be going back to normal.

Kicking the Stress Eating Habit

One of the biggest obstacles I'm going to have to learn to overcome is my habit of eating badly when I'm stressed. It's not necessarily that I eat more when I'm stressed or upset, it's that the foods I choose to eat are far worse for me. I'm way more likely to choose macaroni and cheese over broccoli when life sucks. (Or when the hormones take over. Stupid uterus.)

I'm sure a lot of people would say the cure to this problem is, "Have less stress." Well, no shit, Sherlock. If I could have less stress, I wouldn't be stress eating. I'm not quite sure what it is that I can do to de-stress. Most nights by the time I get home, I just want to eat something and lay around and watch T.V. I'd love to get involved in something, but my work schedule doesn't really allow for it.

I'll put it out there for you guys. What's something fun, healthy, EASY, and calming that I can do on those days when I just want to EAT ALL THE THINGS because of stress? 

Self Image

One of the biggest reasons I have for doing my food/life makeover, is that I have a lot of trouble with my self-image. I don't consider myself attractive, and rarely do I have days when I am 100% pleased with the way I look. I'm not saying this in order to garner sympathy from anyone, I'm simply stating the facts. There are certain parts of me that I love. I wouldn't trade my eyes for anything, and I really do have a fantastic rack! But on the whole, I'm not pleased with the person I see when I look in the mirror. Which is why I'm trying to get healthy and lose some weight. I want to be happy with the person I see when I look in the mirror.

My issues aren't all external. I've struggled with low self-esteem since I was very young. I often worry that I'm never going to amount to anything, or that I'm never going to be able to "grow up." And it's all because I'm afraid. Afraid that if I try to be more adult, I'm going to fail. Afraid that I'm going to be alone and wind up the crazy cat lady. Afraid that no one really likes me, that everyone's just humoring me.

I do a pretty good job of masking all these fears. I figure if I make the joke first, it won't hurt when someone else says it.  I laugh along when people joke about how I'm pretty much worthless. It's how I get along. I have to keep the armor up, because otherwise the angst would take over, and we can't have that.

Temptation (Or, Work is Totally Going to Do Me In)

I'm not a huge snacker when I'm at home. That's not to say I never do it, but I'm not the person who has to have something to eat when they sit down in front of the television. However, when I'm at work, it's a different story. I have two jobs, and there is always food. At the library it comes in the form of Reese's Cups and candy that we keep in a drawer. And on occasion, there are treats in the back that people have made and share with the rest of us. At the nursing home we have tons of snack foods. Chips, cookies, crackers, you name it. Those old folks love to eat, and we Activities girls totally indulge them. It's hard to say no to these treats when they're all up in my business all the time. As I type this I'm ruining some fruit by dipping it into the chocolate dipping sauce that came with the tray....

I have to learn to balls up and say NO to the snacks at work! Just because they are all up in my grill, doesn't mean I need to eat them. It's hard though, because working is stressful (yes, the library and the nursing home do cause me stress) and when I'm stressed, I turn to food. (But, that's another post for another day) I have to learn to resist the urge to eat things simply because they're there.