One of the biggest reasons I have for doing my food/life makeover, is that I have a lot of trouble with my self-image. I don't consider myself attractive, and rarely do I have days when I am 100% pleased with the way I look. I'm not saying this in order to garner sympathy from anyone, I'm simply stating the facts. There are certain parts of me that I love. I wouldn't trade my eyes for anything, and I really do have a fantastic rack! But on the whole, I'm not pleased with the person I see when I look in the mirror. Which is why I'm trying to get healthy and lose some weight. I want to be happy with the person I see when I look in the mirror.
My issues aren't all external. I've struggled with low self-esteem since I was very young. I often worry that I'm never going to amount to anything, or that I'm never going to be able to "grow up." And it's all because I'm afraid. Afraid that if I try to be more adult, I'm going to fail. Afraid that I'm going to be alone and wind up the crazy cat lady. Afraid that no one really likes me, that everyone's just humoring me.
I do a pretty good job of masking all these fears. I figure if I make the joke first, it won't hurt when someone else says it. I laugh along when people joke about how I'm pretty much worthless. It's how I get along. I have to keep the armor up, because otherwise the angst would take over, and we can't have that.
Just for the record, Jen P and I were just talking about you the other night and how awesome you were....and you weren't around. So there.
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