Not So Shabby

Being back on the wagon is going pretty well so far. I'm feeling pretty proud of myself for keeping on track. Especially considering my belly is telling me

EAT ALL THE THINGS!!! 

And I have resisted that urge. Very well, I think. A wee bit of exercise has also happened. I haven't had another long walk with Mom, but that shall for sure happen again. It felt good to walk that much. 

I figure the massive urges to consume an entire Taco Bell franchise will ebb, and things will go smoothly from there on out. Waiting patiently for that day.... 

Back on the Wagon!!

So, after being off the wagon for a very, very long time, I'm back on the health train. Which is for the best, considering the diagnosis I received at the doctor today. Hypertension. That's right, I'm on blood pressure meds at 25.

I think this is the real kick in the butt that I need to actually get myself motivated and doing the right things. Which will be to cut out eating out, first and foremost. After that, it's all about portion control and making healthier choices. Which I can do. I know I can.

I'm also going to have to do some exercising. Which I started on tonight! I had a lovely walk with Mom across the bridge and into downtown. Just the bridge itself is a mile, so I did a little over 2 miles. It felt good. Getting up off my lazy ass is going to be good for me.

All of this, paired with the new Activity Director job....I think things are going to be alright. Despite the shitty diagnosis!

It's Been Too Long!!

Hello blogworld! I realize it's been ages since I've posted, but life has gotten crazy. Almost three weeks ago, my grandmother had a seizure and had to be taken to the hospital. While she was getting a CT scan, she had another seizure and they had to put her on a vent. We thought she wasn't going to make it, but she's still holding on. However, she's on Hospice and she's not doing very well. It's simply a matter of time.

And last week, I took my annual pilgrimage to Terre Haute for Hoosier Girl's State. HGS barely leaves time for sleep, so blogging was out of the question! :-D

Needless to say, my food project has been all out of whack. While grandma was in the hospital, we were just eating whatever we could any time it was convenient. There was lots of fast food. The HGS food isn't horrible, but it's not the greatest. Lots and lots of carbs!!! 

It's also not a good time to continue with my lessons, since Mom is spending nearly all of her time with Grandma. I'm going to try to do better now that I'm back home, but it's hard to say when things will be going back to normal.

Kicking the Stress Eating Habit

One of the biggest obstacles I'm going to have to learn to overcome is my habit of eating badly when I'm stressed. It's not necessarily that I eat more when I'm stressed or upset, it's that the foods I choose to eat are far worse for me. I'm way more likely to choose macaroni and cheese over broccoli when life sucks. (Or when the hormones take over. Stupid uterus.)

I'm sure a lot of people would say the cure to this problem is, "Have less stress." Well, no shit, Sherlock. If I could have less stress, I wouldn't be stress eating. I'm not quite sure what it is that I can do to de-stress. Most nights by the time I get home, I just want to eat something and lay around and watch T.V. I'd love to get involved in something, but my work schedule doesn't really allow for it.

I'll put it out there for you guys. What's something fun, healthy, EASY, and calming that I can do on those days when I just want to EAT ALL THE THINGS because of stress? 

Self Image

One of the biggest reasons I have for doing my food/life makeover, is that I have a lot of trouble with my self-image. I don't consider myself attractive, and rarely do I have days when I am 100% pleased with the way I look. I'm not saying this in order to garner sympathy from anyone, I'm simply stating the facts. There are certain parts of me that I love. I wouldn't trade my eyes for anything, and I really do have a fantastic rack! But on the whole, I'm not pleased with the person I see when I look in the mirror. Which is why I'm trying to get healthy and lose some weight. I want to be happy with the person I see when I look in the mirror.

My issues aren't all external. I've struggled with low self-esteem since I was very young. I often worry that I'm never going to amount to anything, or that I'm never going to be able to "grow up." And it's all because I'm afraid. Afraid that if I try to be more adult, I'm going to fail. Afraid that I'm going to be alone and wind up the crazy cat lady. Afraid that no one really likes me, that everyone's just humoring me.

I do a pretty good job of masking all these fears. I figure if I make the joke first, it won't hurt when someone else says it.  I laugh along when people joke about how I'm pretty much worthless. It's how I get along. I have to keep the armor up, because otherwise the angst would take over, and we can't have that.

Temptation (Or, Work is Totally Going to Do Me In)

I'm not a huge snacker when I'm at home. That's not to say I never do it, but I'm not the person who has to have something to eat when they sit down in front of the television. However, when I'm at work, it's a different story. I have two jobs, and there is always food. At the library it comes in the form of Reese's Cups and candy that we keep in a drawer. And on occasion, there are treats in the back that people have made and share with the rest of us. At the nursing home we have tons of snack foods. Chips, cookies, crackers, you name it. Those old folks love to eat, and we Activities girls totally indulge them. It's hard to say no to these treats when they're all up in my business all the time. As I type this I'm ruining some fruit by dipping it into the chocolate dipping sauce that came with the tray....

I have to learn to balls up and say NO to the snacks at work! Just because they are all up in my grill, doesn't mean I need to eat them. It's hard though, because working is stressful (yes, the library and the nursing home do cause me stress) and when I'm stressed, I turn to food. (But, that's another post for another day) I have to learn to resist the urge to eat things simply because they're there.

Breakfast

One of the hardest parts of this new attitude about food is forcing myself to eat breakfast. I am not a morning person. At all. I once threatened to "Lizzy Borden" my mother because she woke me up too early on my day off. Food is the last thing on my mind when I'm dragging myself out of bed. It's not that I don't like breakfast foods, quite the contrary, I'd just rather have that five extra minutes of sleep. The past couple of days I've done alright on the breakfast front. Yesterday was a Quaker Oats breakfast bar and today was a spoonful of peanut butter from the jar in the cabinet at the library. (That sounds far sketchier than it actually is.)

Eventually I'd like to be able to get myself together enough that I can do really fantastic breakfasts. Not anything fancy, but eggs and toast would be killer awesome. Even a stock of cereal that I enjoy would be a treat for when I get tired of the breakfast or cereal bars.

What about you guys? What's a "normal" breakfast for you?

Today, You Are A Man!

My Mom is great, and I'm sure I don't tell her often enough! Right off today she was ready to get me into the kitchen and teach me a few things. We cranked up the Pandora radio (Disney songs and Showtunes) and got cracking. On the menu for this evening: Meatloaf, green beans, and pan roasted corn with red peppers and onions. Also, a cake for the memorial service for my Uncle Paul on Wednesday.

The first thing I learned this evening is that when your cooking material looks like this:

It may put you off what you're going to consume. Yeah, raw hamburger is totally disgusting. That's one of the bad things about meatloaf, you have to mix it with your hands. Eugh. The end result is tasty though, so I sucked it up.  

(We use cream of mushroom soup instead of ketchup to top our meatloaf) 

Up next was the cake batter. No prob. I've done many a cake in my time. I'm not a  total  failure in the kitchen. Though, when I first started doing cakes they always came out flat. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why the hell I couldn't get a cake to rise. Turns out you gotta butter the pan first. Okay...maybe I am a total failure in the kitchen! The finished product looks alright. Though, it's a bit cracky on the top. 

Green beans were already cooking when I got home from work. They turned out pretty good. (It's pretty hard to screw up green beans.) 

The corn was something I'd never done before. It's really simple and one of the few ways I actually like corn! Just a little bit of oil and butter in a hot pan, add corn and peppers and onions and cook until they're roasty. I have both before and after pictures of the corn! 

The finished product came together into a lovely and healthy dinner!! I'm pretty freaking proud of myself. Not too shabby for a first go, huh?!

A New Start

 I can't count the number of times I've attempted to make changes in my habits, only to lose steam after a few weeks. I was inspired to start again while watching (as cheesy as it sounds) an episode of Jamie Oliver's "Food Revolution." I realized that I am tired of eating like crap and not feeling well. I'm tired of making the lazy choices and never getting up off my butt and doing something good for myself. But, most importantly, I don't want my children (you know, those hypothetical ones that I may have some day) growing up and being unhealthy because they've learned MY bad habits. 

So, that's where this blog comes in. I'm hoping to post something new every day in order to keep myself going. I want people to know that I'm going on this journey to figuring out how to whip my ass into shape and take good care of my body. I need people to hold me accountable and ask questions and keep me on track. 

It starts now.